Ling: Panda

Dear Old Blog,

Time passes by so fast. You have sheltered me, fed me and inspired me throughout my high school years. Alas, I feel that it is time for me to move on, since I'm past all the drama that happened during my high school years and on to new dramas in university. I have to thank you for always caring about me, for always letting me write down all my temperamental moods and leaving me with something to feel proud about.

I've decided to create a new blog, to spread my wings in a different way. Somebody once told me that it was during high school where you discover what you'll love and it was during university where you discover yourself. I plan to change myself in so many ways, to become better and to be proud of myself.

I'm sorry I've left you hanging, but you've given four good years. I'll miss you and I'll hope you come visit the new blog: http://pandabehindthespotlight.blogspot.com. Enough said.

Ling

Isn’t it weird that you learn life’s important lessons only when you’re not in school? Or how about that sense where you only feel grateful for that one thing when it’s gone out of your life? Having only two more weeks until I leave home, I have moments of nostalgia every now and then… and somehow it seems to leave me a warm, happy and fuzzy feeling. :3

Maybe I’m being naïve and optimistic, but heck, let me enjoy this feeling: this feeling like I’m on top of the world, taking everything in stride and can overcome any obstacles that comes my way. …All right, I’m done now. Time to head back to reality. :P Nyah, silly moods.

I don’t really have the heart to go against my parents in any argument anymore. Not at this time, at least. I can sense my mum’s kan-cheongness in every action and every speech she has towards me. I can tell she’s worried, nervous, excited, all of those feelings and more rolled into one from what a mother feels when her first child, her only daughter, leaves home for the first time for university.

Perhaps I am gaining some maturity, understanding how my mother feels finally, after years of complaints, nagging and priceless love. One important lesson I’ve learned through this experience is that it takes a lot to get something from your parents, whether it be respect or trust, and it can take just seconds to lose it all over again. Actually, I just read that from a comic and thought that it fitted well with the situation. XP But it’s true and I really appreciate my parents for all they’ve done for me. Now if it wasn’t for my pride and my dumbness, I’ve figured out by now how to express it to them.

Looking back at what I’ve done, I have accomplishments and regrets. But to be truthful, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is living for the present and preparing for the future.

I feel like I should be sitting outside of some little café drinking tea and feeling the wind blow around me just to fit the mood.

Ling

Yes, I’ve been ignoring this livejournal for quite a long time, and it’s now time to make a comeback into the world of blogging. So many things have been going on, and I haven’t really had the patience to sit down at my laptop and write the updates for a while.

 

Several things have happened, both physically and mentally:

1. I got my ears pierced! Two little studs are now at my earlobes. This is the start of my plan to changing myself from a tomboy to a not-so-tomboy-and-slightly-more-feminine girl. The next step of action would be to either get contacts or to do something about my hair.

 

2. I am now the stage manager/technical coordinator for SGM Malaysia’s “Cherry Tree Musical” which is based on a short story written by Daisuke Ikeda. I basically work nights and full weekends, and now basically have the chronic USA-Malaysia jet lag, without actually taking a flight. First performance is this Sunday!

 

3. I’ve been hanging around with my friends a few times, not as much as I would like though. Elliot has left for Canada already. :( Charn’s gone from teaching climbing during summer school to cranking out numbers on his internship at Petronas Towers. I managed to hang out with him for a while after his work since I took a night off from my own job. He’ll be leaving August 1st. :( I’m hoping I can spend more time with him before he goes off.

 

4. I worked as a cashier at the Estee Lauder Staff Sale again with Ruen Qing. Scary stuff happens there. People fainted due to the amount of body heat passing through all the people in the area. I managed to buy some stuff for myself…my damage was above RM500. :P Not as bad as my cousin or Ruen Qing.

 

5. I got my IB results. :( I’m very disappointed, but I’ve been advised to appeal for my one of my subjects, so we’ll see how that goes.

 

6. My aunt got me the DVD of Prince of Tennis Nationals Episode 1 to 14! *drool* I’ve been watching it over and over…(well, okay, I’ve really only watched it three times. :P) I’m also obsessing over Roméo et Juliette: de la Haine à l'Amour and Rómeó és Júlia, French and Hungarian musicals of Romeo and Juliet. :P I’ve also been obsessing about the hot Hungarian actors…

 

7. I LEAVE AUGUST 25th FOR NYU! :D

 

That is all for now. :P

 

Ling

I'M AN ISKL GRADUATE NOW!!
and now...I will be off to Australia in about 6 more hours.
I promise to write a more meaningful post about graduation once I'm back.
:P

Today when I went to school, I saw little elementary school boys from Boy Scouts who were laughing to each other and having a jolly good time. I imagined what they would be like some years later when they would be seniors: the stereotypes that they would be, the classes they would take, the friends they would make and the troubles that they would create. I know that all my predictions will turned out to be false in the end, but it made me nostaglic. 

I realized that people had never expected that the young baby girl that my parents raised would turned out to be like this at 18 years old. Since I was born, there has been good times, bad times, awkward times, unmentional times and so on. However, of course, you can't predict the future, but you can make your own guesses about how that specific child will turn out. I was considered to be a dreamer, an unsociable shy loner who dreams. Looking back, I realized that I dreamt a lot. I dreamt about being a cowgirl, riding horses and shooting down Red Indians like they did during those old Western films. I believe that our childhood dreams really shape us to what we become and as to what we shall accomplish.

This year, Ruen Qing and I decided to take on the daunting task of organizing MOSCARS, ISKL Performing Arts Awards Night (Forensics, Drama, Debate and Dance), making this the first time in ISKL history that an awards night was ever student-organized. We've faced fears, doubts and concerns, but we both wanted to make this the best awards night that ISKL had ever seen. Most of all, because several of the participants were graduating seniors, we wanted the event to pay tribute to the teachers more than the students. In the end, we made it a success for everyone that night.

Despite several planning troubles and "ghosting" apperances, the event was a success, us having positive feedback, resulting with both of us adding "event organizing" onto our resumes, Ruen Qing asked to be involved with the organization of SEA Forensics 2008 and myself freelancing as a lighting designer and advisor for a charity musical in my hometown, Klang. Recently, we were both joking that if we were ever to fail at our jobs in the future, we would get together and form our own event organizing company, and we would start our speech, "It all started from Thespians in ISKL..." ;) Hahahaha!

For MOSCARS though, even though it was Ruen Qing and I who took the full rein, the event wouldn't have been a success without the help of so many people being so involved and helping out whereever they can. However, I guess I am more grateful towards the technicians, especially with some of them being close friends, because I came from that field and I know the pain that I put them through in MOSCARS, especially with the mixed scheduling, the "ghosting" appearances, the training and my temper. Hell hath no fury like a technician who's mad. :P

To the mocktails that were served (I need to learn how to make those) 
to those special one-of-a-kind-never-again-in-ISKL invitations 
to the "ghosting" appearances which were great comic relief
to the shock that people had about my hair and dress (:P)
to the joyful sadness that everyone felt when it was over.
It was a great year for ISKL's Forensics, Drama, Debate and Dance groups.
Let's make it another special one for everyone next year.

Cheers.

Ling

Why am I watching TV on the day before exams?
Why am I on the computer typing out a livejournal entry on the day before exams?
Maybe I'm just a crazy fool. :P

There are times when I feel that cartoons are too vulgar, too immoralistic and too unrealistic. However, there are those times when I'm proven wrong, and some cartoons do provide the moral view or that epiphany that you needed to get on with your life with a positive attitude. In the Nickelodeon series "As Told by Ginger", the main character, Ginger, is going through the change between junior high school and high school, and she's not taking the change too well, even though she has to write the graduation speech. While on the low feeling about change and the graduation speech, her father shows up and tells her something about butterflies that changed her perspective on change.

"To hold on to something that needs to spread its wings [hand closes over a butterfly] is to stop it from ever changing and reaching its dreams. Only when you let go of it and let it spread its wings [hand opens and butterfly flies], maybe, just maybe it'll come back to you in its full glory. [butterfly flies back to him]"

I'm done with the whole transition of middle school to high school, and truthfully it was that big of a change for me, going from ISKL to TAS. However, I'm in a totally different transition: from high school to university, from ISKL to NYU.

I was staying at Ritz-Carlton last week and had dinner with Yoonah. One thing she said struck me: "I mean, I'm glad to finally be done and going off to university, but at the same time, I wish I had appreciated my time in ISKL more."  I realize that seniors every year go through this stage (as Charn gleefully reminded me), but I can't help but feel the same way. The highlight of my life this entire year would be getting my acceptance letter from NYU for Theatre Production, thinking "Wow, I'm actually good at something and people want me to do it and want to help me achieve this dream career of mine." But at the same time,  realize that this acceptance letter was also solid proof that I'll be leaving and being on my own, away from the familiarity of my friends, family, teachers and the control booth (you know I had to add that in somehow :P). It's a mixed feeling indeed.

From one perspective, I want to spread my wings. On another perspective, I'm holding on to what I gained. It's true that you gotta lose some to gain some. 

I just wish it wasn't happening so fast.
 
In one more month, I'll be going through my graduation, listening to the congratulations, wiping away the tears and throwing that cap into the air, just for the heck of it.
In one to three more months, I'll be standing at the airport, waving goodbye to some dear friends that I've had the opportunity to know so well for such a long time.
In about four more months, I'll be sitting on a plane, waving goodbye to the country that has sheltered me for 13 years.

I admit I'm a bit scared about change. I'm going to miss my family, my friends, my teachers and even those that I wish I had gotten acquainted with, but never gotten the opportunity to. But at the same time, I'm moving on. I'm moving on to carve a path for myself, to make a new dream and to make new friends. Plus, you can always make new friends, but you should never forget your old ones.

Ginger: According to Native American legend, if you tell a wish to a butterfly, that butterfly will take your wish to the great sky in the heavens and grant it for you.

I'm going to go butterfly hunting now.

Ling

The panda realizes that she does not do well when the house is creepily quiet.

So I don't well alone, yet I like being alone. Paradox much?
My parents and brother left for the states yesterday and I already miss them. Gee, university life is going to be tough for me, ain't it? Times like these make me wonder about my own ideals, what I expect out of myself and the "what if" questions. These things always popped up in between the studying for IB exams. It's quite enlightening actually, although I'm sure I've highlighted it quite a few times to my friends already. So on with the "what if" questions! :D

Q: What if I didn't move back to ISKL?
A: I wouldn't have gotten into theater (which is quite shocking to many), wouldn't have gotten amazing friends and "older brothers" and I wouldn't have become girlier (I hate to admit it, but it's true. I was a more tomboyish in TAS).

Q: What if I didn't do theater?
A: Probably would have gone into business, like I originally planned.

Q: What if I wasn't short?
A: Oh, I would be gloating the fact that I'm tall every second, every minute, every day, every year. :D But that's a far away dream.

Q: What if I was a guy instead?
A: Well, I would try picking up chicks mostly. :P Actually, I don't know how my personality would translate into guy form. I think I'm way too hyper to be a guy.

Q: What if I wasn't an Asian?
A: ...erm...I can't see myself as any other nationality. :P

I'll finish these questions another time, or people can ask me more question! :D Whee~
Enough said.

Ling

So I got into NYU and UCLA. I’ll be heading to NYU. Yay. The excitement wore off.

Now due to something completely unrelated, I have a feeling of despair. Depression. Hopelessness. Anguish. I want to cry, but I can’t cry, because the thought of having that one friend gone from me…sigh. I always saw friends as people who would be there; people that I may not see often but people who I knew were there. Unfortunately, it’s not the case. It’s depressing because I’m not losing this friend for any reason like suicide, homicide or the breaking up of a friendship. Heck, even I don’t know whether what my friend’s saying is true, but it seem pretty darn real. Gah, maybe and hopefully, this will just all be a big April’s Fools joke and I find out how gullible I really am. I really hope so.

I’ll probably forget why I ever wrote this entry, because I promised that I would forget. The only reason I was told was because my friend was worried that it would hurt me later. Yeah, I’m just weak that way. Hopefully, I’ll be stronger. Hopefully.

Ling

With graduation seeping through the cracks of time, with acceptance letters and the university decision hangs around me, I'm glad to still have friends and family who care and makes me laugh.

It's hard not to think about the future. It's hard to imagine how you would survive in university without these close friends you have made and the family that have always been there for you. It's hard. Indeed, it's very hard. I had some misagreements with my friends recently, even causing me to ignore C for two days, and for E to tell me to shut my mouth and listen to C's side for once. Ouch, pain to my ego, but I deserved it. Then there are those other times...

such as commenting that I shouldn't sleep in until noon, unless i want to be known as a lazy bum and have a distorted back...
such as my lack of physical height...
such as i'm getting extra huggable so i need to lose weight...
such as telling me i'm clumsy, which explains the whole "half-blond" concept...
such as stating that i cannot get through one day without hugging someone...
where else would you get friends that are so honest to you?

where else would you get friends who you would have so much fun with, and only with a play of words?
such as saying that E owns C, because he knew where he was, when the rest of us didn't...i offered to give C a collar and leash :)
such as saying that E is indeed a "dirty" blonde...
such as saying that A is a lazy bugger in tennis...wait, no, that's from her coach. :P

But I think what I'm going to miss most from my friends is all those "thought-provoking" discussions that we have. I've learnt more in senior year through these discussions about life. So enjoyable, hard to place down in words.

I'll miss all these. Creating more memories as the days goes by.

Ling

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive. Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

 

Your Love Element Is Metal

In love, you inspire and respect your partner. For you, love is all about fusing together for one incredible life experience. You attract others with wit and a bit of flash. Your flirting style is defined by making others want and value you. Greatness and optimism are the cornerstones of your love life. You may let go too easily, but you never get weighed down by your past. You connect best with: Earth Avoid: Fire You and another Metal element: will control and smother each other

Your Makeup Look Is

Face Paint You have the talent (and beauty) to pull of this ornate look

oooh nice! i like this!

You Are Low Rise Jeans

You are both sexy and casual - the type of girl who looks hot without really trying. You tend to spark imagination, only showing a peek of your skin.

well...my favorite pairs of jeans are both low rise...one's just in a boy cut and the other is more feminine...meh.

You Are Apple Red

You're never one to take life too seriously, and because of it, you're a ton of fun. And although you have a great sense of humor, you are never superficial. Deep and caring, you do like to get to the core of people - to understand them well. However, any probing you do is light hearted and fun, sometimes causing people to misjudge you.

You Are an Old Soul

You are an experienced soul who appreciates tradition. Mellow and wise, you like to be with others but also to be alone. Down to earth, you are sensible and impatient. A creature of habit, it takes you a while to warm up to new people. You hate injustice, and you're very protective of family and friends A bit demanding, you expect proper behavior from others. Extremely independent you don't mind living or being alone. But when you find love, you tend to want marriage right away. Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul and Visionary Soul